Dads Can Be So Cruel

So about 4 months ago I took my two youngest out for a little time with Dad. "Time with Dad," or as my wife calls it, "Goof off time," is like a box of chocolates...you never know what you're going to get. We stopped by the grocery store and picked up a loaf of bread and headed down the street to the decorative ponds just outside our neighborhood. These ponds are home to scores of ducks and geese. These ducks and geese appear to be permanently "on the dole," living the life of Riley while being constantly fed bread by saps like me. Nature's "Stimulus Package" I suppose. But I digress...

Anyhoo, we hopped out with our bread in hand and thus began the feeding frenzy. Frenzy was right. Those ducks and geese must have had a slow bread day up to that point. They were on us before we knew what was happening. My daughter began growing uneasy at this point which, of course, is my cue as a father to do something mildly cruel to her but immensely funny to me. I waited until she was preoccupied with one geese (who, by the way, are pretty mean) when I dropped a particularly appetizing bread chunk right behind her. A large geese took the bait and moved in. Just as the geese grabbed for the bread I told my daughter to look behind her. She didn't like that one bit. Next thing I know I'm wearing my daughter as a hat. I told her the same thing my Dad used to tell me, "Geese don't have teeth...they won't hurt you." It's hard to believe that when those things have your finger two knuckles deep down their throat.

I thought it was pretty funny and I thought she did too after sufficient time had passed to dull the fear she'd felt that day. I talked with her about it today. She still doesn't think it's funny. In fact, she said, "I mean, what kind of father would do that?"

"One who loves you very much, girl. " I told her one day she'd laugh.

"Not likely."

"Well...your kids will if you ever tell them about it."

My son chimed in at this point. "Yeah," he said, "I'll make sure your kids know all about it!"

Kids are so much fun.

More Snow

We had a stretch of about 4 days last week of highs in the upper 50s and sunny skies. I think one day even touched 60. For here that's Spring weather (shoot, sometimes that's Summer weather!). Woke up this morning to a fair dusting of snow on the ground. My wife and I have decided that we both belong where it's warm. No offense, Todd my friend, but wearing a sweater in June is not my idea of Heaven. I like to break a goodly sweat in November, get a suntan in March, and wear shorts at Christmas. That's just me.

I've found myself pondering retirement from the Air Force as, sadly, the majority of my career now is behind me rather than in front of me. I've been blessed to have seen a large portion of this great land and have a new project to think about--where to retire? South Carolina tugs at the heartstrings...I guess a piece of me will always call it home. Probably won't be Columbia, though. Coach Yawn used to call Columbia "the armpit of South Carolina--no ocean like Charleston and no cool weather like Spartanburg." That was when he wasn't paddling folks with his boat oar. Texas is really nice, especially around San Antonio. Hot is the word there, though. Good Mexican food, George Strait, cowboy hats as accepted fashion accents, and pickups. Florida is warm but a bit crowded. Virginia? North Carolina? What about the deep South? Alabama?

Anyone else thinking that far ahead? Am I showing my age?

10 Things I Learned This Week

I had the pleasure (?) of participating in a mobility exercise this past week which consisted of trying to operate aircraft in a fictitious location while getting attacked in various and sundry ways. It was educational for me in many ways, ways I'd like to share with you right now:

1. You can drink coffee all day. I figure Rick knows this already, but it was news to me.

2. MREs, which stands for "Meals Ready to Eat," have come a long, long way. I had a Veggie Burger in tomato sauce on Thursday that was not half bad. I'm not real sure what vegetable is square, brown, and tastes like a hamburger, though.

3. Coffee left cooking at the bottom of the pot will keep you extra awake when you drink it.

4. When it's cold outside and you go pee in a porta john, the steam that comes up is pee, too.

5. Wearing chemical protection suits for 3 hours is no, I repeat no, fun.

6. You get used to body odor after 3 days and become blissfully unaware. Others, however, still remain painfully aware.

7. No one should have to get up at 4 a.m...ever.

8. It's possible to be so tired that you can't get to sleep, though it may have something to do with drinking coffee at 5 o'clock in the afternoon.

9. 9-year-old boys think these mobility exercises are the coolest thing in the world. My youngest boy asked me if I got to carry a weapon. I told him that the next time I was going to requisition a grenade launcher and carry it like Arnold did in Terminator 2.

10. A burger king Angry Whopper has got it all over a Veggie Burger (and with only 800 more calories!).

Shootin' Hoops

My youngest had his first basketball game at the Y today. To my great enjoyment, he scored the first 3 baskets for his team and finished with 10 of his team's 18 points. He was an animal, running up and down the floor, dominating on both offense and defense. Of course, I cheered louder than anyone and sat back with no small measure of fatherly pride. Good genes. He isn't inflicted with a case of the "slows" like his dad, though. NBA, here we come...

Been crazy-busy at work getting ready for a big mobility exercise next week. Had to come in at 0345 this morning (on a Saturday!) to process through the mobility line. This consists of various checks of your equipment and gear...lots to "hurry up and wait." Chuck, you probably remember those days, right? Being 40 now, I needed a 2 hour nap this afternoon to get me back in fightin' trim. I get to sleep in tomorrow morning. It's the small things one looks forward to.

Too Much Pork

I have to say that, as much as I disagree with President Obama's policies and ideas, I think the real problem is Congress. It's the Congress that allocates funding, right? It's the Congress that raises/lowers taxes (usually more of the former than the latter). Why do we continue to put up with the shameless porkbarrel spending in budgets? Why does an economic stimulus package have $400 million in it for climate research? Why is there funding for contraceptives (to President Obama's credit, I heard today he had the sponsering Congressman pull that bit of pork out--following Republican complaints).

Have Americans become that self-centered and that selfish? Are we a bunch of self-seeking individualists who "want ours now?" What about the common good? We are partially to blame, I suppose. We continue to elect Congressmen and Senators who, "Bring home the bacon." The incumbent has a huge advantage each election, riding the wave of public sentiment that a tenured member of Congress "knows the ropes" and "how things are done in Washington." It's a never ending cycle. For example, would we re-elect someone who fights building a Navy base in his home state of Iowa?

Just a few thoughts I had today driving in to work. Move along...there's nothing else to see here.

A Few Of My Number Ones

Driving along yesterday evening listening to the radio when a classic song came on, one of my favorites. Bruce Springsteen's "I'm on Fire" has to be the ultimate nighttime cruising song. Love the beat. Perfect for riding along with the top down on a warm summer night. The fact I was in a hardtop rental in January only slightly diminished the effect. Anyway, it got me thinking about songs I've grown to love over the years and how some songs are perfect in various situations. Here's my list:

- Best Song to Sing at the Top of Your Lungs With All Your Buddies: Boston's "More Than a Feeling"
- Best Cruising Country Song: Dwight Yoakam's "Thousand Miles From Nowhere"
- My All-Time Favorite Song: Police's "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic"
- Best Album To Go Along With a Little Wine and My Lady: Soundtrack to "Sleepless in Seattle"
- Best Cruising Song at the Beach: Jimmy Buffet's "Grape Fruit Juicy Fruit"
- Best Song Guaranteed to Make Steve Cry: "My Little Girl" by Tim McGraw
- Must-Have Songs to Listen to When Jogging: "Panama" by Van Halen, "Folsom Prison Blues" by Johnny Cash, and "Synchronicity II" by The Police
- Best Song to Transport Me To the Great Outdoors: "Rocky Mountain High" by John Denver
- Best Album to Listen to By the Pool: Jimmy Buffet's Greatest Hits
- Best Christmas Album That Always Puts Me in the Holiday Mood: "When My Heart Finds Christmas" by Harry Connick Jr.

Do you have any songs that bring back a memory or that seem perfect for a particular situation?

Back Home and Resting (Kind of)

Got back home Wednesday night. This was a bit unexpected. We were scheduled to drop off some cargo at Mountain Home AFB, Idaho, but had to divert here for a maintenance problem. One compensation from flying on a mission and being gone is that after the mission we are afforded Post Mission Crew Rest. This is a chance to unwind and take care of any neglected business which for me is the "Honey-Do List." This mission ended at the perfect time to coincide with the MLK holiday. I received two days of PMCR lasting through Friday night. Monday is a holiday. Folks, that's a five-day weekend. Me likee.

Now, what that really means is that my wife has five days of chores for me. Yesterday she floated the "Soooo, what are you planning to do today?" question at me. This is a trick question to which there is no acceptable answer. It's like the, "Honey, do I look fat in this?" question. I blinked several times, my mind wildly racing for something, some chore that would give the semblance of activity yet allow me to lounge carefree on the couch for the rest of the day.
"Uhhh, the dishes?" Arrggghh! That sounded too much like I was reaching. Have to do better than that, Steve.
"Hmmmm."
"What does 'Hmmm' mean," I ask. [Hats off to Caryn--one of the funniest comeback questions on a post I've seen. ] There is often a whole conversation wrapped up in one "Hmmmm."
"That means you really need to put together these chairs I bought the other day," as she walks out chuckling.
I toss out a feeble, "Now, don't feel like you have to fill up my day with activities." I hear her laughter in the next room. Foiled again. PS3 will have to wait.